My mind reawakens. My body wants sleep, yet my mind does this mental dance of the daylight. You are not alert enough to be operating machinery, like driving from Fort Myers to Miami. But your imagination is so geared up at that moment, you could recall each mile marker, each I-75 exit on Alligator Alley, from Colonial Blvd. to the I-495 interchange near Miami International Airport. It is liken to having your mind acting as an laptop, automatically updating it's operating system and restarting, the screen seeming to darken, only to magically return to life.. I can almost hear the music (tones of Windows7) now.
It is my usual mind's delusion of morning-- 1:30AM. How often, I dream of awaken from slumber so ready for the day at 6:30AM feeling as alert as this, but it never seems to happen. At first I lay there, convinced it's some primal need to answer the call of another part of my body.
This is the part about insomnia that's so strange: Your mind is suddenly so capable of the mental calisthenics of unrelated thought. I lay there, my mind suddenly in deep concentration in a very lazy body, capable of moving but not wanting to. In Florida with its mild temperatures all year, I have no excuse to remaining in bed when I think nature calls. It is not that cold outside, forcing me to cuddle in the covers. So I get up.
Part of this is to clear dark cobwebs from my mind. Insomnia brings not happy thoughts, but in my case, sometimes unresolvable worry. Fears that creep in as the sky darkens and the light dims. Every twinge and subtle ache portends a frightening diagnosis. Because it is a thought in the middle of the night. I hate those nights, reminding me even when I am sick, worrying doesn't help.
I get back into bed. Pull the covers back over me, place my body, my legs and arms in heir most comfortable position and my head just so on the pillow to attract sleep. My little world is dark and sweetly quiet, with just a gentle beat of waves from the Caloosahatchee outside my window.
But tonight, my mind is hounded by the great question by the great Sphinx of the modern household; the very question of status and responsibility, duty and social norms.
Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?
Why, as the clock is now nearing 2AM, I have this burning issue to resolve?
Unfortunately, as I try to seek the internal, infernal off switch of my mind, it drifts even farther afield.
Did I turn off the oven after making the pizza?
Why did I buy that pizza? Was it on special? The crust came out okay, but the size and that sweet sauce was terrible.
Would there be bugs in the kitchen now if I checked on the oven?
I haven't seem any, save for the occasional micro-ant here and there, but I have this obscure obsession 2:20AM to seek an answer once and for all on the subject of dish status in the dishwasher, and now it has grown to my general well-being of safety to check the oven as well.
First report from the kitchen: No, there are no bugs to greet me.
The oven is turned off.
The dishes are clean. Confirmed not just by sight, but noticing the silverware is not there, and then remembering I had put the clean silverware away already, but being late for work this morning, the only pieces I had put away.
I do a chore at 2:30 in the morning wondering if it will still somehow make me late for work later...
Wait! I have today off! Insomnia is an inconvenience tonight, not a threat to my continued employment.
Now I can sleep...